What happens to us when we lose a game?

When we lose a game, our brain registers a result worse than expected, and frustration kicks in. Unpleasant as it feels, this is a normal reaction that encourages us to learn and improve; the difference lies in how each person handles it.

An unwelcome surprise

Just as when we win, the reward system comes into play when we lose. When we expect to win and it doesn't happen, the reward signal drops and disappointment sets in. We explore the other side in what happens in the brain when we win.

Why do some people find it so hard?

It depends on our personality, what's at stake emotionally and how we learnt to handle losing at home. People who feel that losing says something about their worth take it harder. Those who see it as part of the game bounce back sooner.

Losing teaches us lessons

Defeats stick in our minds more than victories and make us rethink our decisions: did I lead with the wrong card? Should I have kept my trump card? That's why good players look back over the hands they lost.

Learning to lose

• Separate your play from the outcome: you can play well and still lose.
• Congratulate your opponent; it's easier than it seems.
• Think about the next game, not the last one.

Card games, where so much depends on the luck of the deal, are an excellent way to learn this. We explain more in what chance really is.